Deidre Dare
Anyone who has spent even five minutes in bed with me knows that I have a strong proclivity for S&M. My experience in the area ranges from the mild (spanking) to the extreme (ball gags, golden showers and the like), according to how much experience my partner has and what he or she likes.
As much as I get off on being bound and whipped inside the bedroom, I'd never had violence perpetrated against me outside the confines of that room until I got to Moscow. Here, I've been slapped and thrown against walls. Here, I've had the contents of alcoholic drinks flung at me in bars. Here, I've had knives waved threateningly in my face. Here, although I was merely a bystander during a fight between a guy and my refrigerator, I once even got a black eye.
It will come as no surprise that all these incidents were perpetrated by Russian guys I was dating who were caught up in the throes of a jealous passion.
The Russian who attacked my fridge gets an award in self-control for hitting it and not me, even if I did get the accidental shiner. The poor appliance was, however, beaten to a pulp.
I quickly learned that you can't mention occurrences like these to people who aren't living in Russia (I have found that it is also inadvisable to mention to these people the admiration you have for Putin, that you take gypsy cabs alone late at night when pissed out of your mind and that even though the law requires it, you never carry your papers with you).
Told about even the mildest slap in the world, these "outsiders" will go ape-shit on you and tell you to dump the guy and get a restraining order. In other words, what they do is equate living in Moscow with living in Sydney. Or Cincinnati. Places where a "one strike and you're out" policy supposedly defines a woman's healthiness and self-respect.
I, on the other hand, know damn well where I live and of course never broke up with anyone here for this kind of occasional outburst. I've lived all over the world so I have learned that judging any foreign behaviour by accepted Western standards is simply absurd. I take it as it comes and condemn nothing. In other words, I try to look at the world as a human being rather than as a sanctimonious "we're always right" Westerner.
And this human has done her fair share of slapping so she is not about to start casting stones in anyone's direction simply because they are male or because they are Russian.
And let's face facts. Men have been dragging women by the hair since caveman days. It's in their nature to be violent. Men are born to fight and rape and in the West we generally don't permit them to do either. Maybe all the self-restraint men are forced to endure in the West is what has led to their emasculation there. Try reading Bray's "The Emasculation of Men in America." It will make you think.
It's hard to call something "wrong" if it's simply part of human nature. But it's amazing how often we all do just that. Particularly to males.
Except for the quirky fact that all they seem to be Mama's Boys (or maybe because of it), Russian men are MEN. Real men. And I rather like that.
The human male has evolved to slap his slutty woman: otherwise, he might end up raising the fruit of some other dude's loins. So if you're hanging out with real men and you're a little slutty, you're going to get hit. Period.
Maybe it's for all these reasons that more and more of my Western lovers seem to be getting into the whole S&M thing. It's the only way they can act on their primal instincts.
At any rate, it works out perfectly for me. When it goes to raping and pillaging, I say: Bring it on, baby!!!
xxoo
DD
Deidre Dare's novel "Expat" and "Moscow Moments" video reports are at: www.deidredare.com
