COLUMNISTS

Deidre Dare

I've never known if it is "Toyboy" or "Boytoy," but, joining the ranks of Demi and Madonna, I got me some o' that.

I'm happy that women are partaking more and more of the summer/fall relationship, as I never really understood why such delicacies were reserved for the older man. My own father was in his 40s when he married my mother, a mere girl of 18 at the time.

The term itself is interesting, if you think about it. Why should an older man just have a younger girlfriend, but an older woman have something disparagingly referred to as a "toy"? The implication is that she is using the guy only for sex. An older man in that situation isn't?

I don't know a middle-aged expat guy in Moscow who isn't dating some much younger Russian girl and we take those relationships seriously (God knows why).

This is one of those situations where you'd think the reverse would be true and the implication would be that the older man in these situations was purely in it for good times in the sack.

Maybe it's because we know women are a tad smarter than men, so we assume any older woman wouldn't seriously look for emotional and intellectual fulfilment from a younger man?

At any rate, my own "toy" is about 12 years younger than I am and I have discovered that there are nothing but pros when you're dating a younger man. Even the things you'd think would be cons, end up being pros.

For instance, taste in music. This doesn't have to be something that separates you from each other. Rather than sitting around listening to Abba, a younger man can make you hip again by showing you what people actually dance to now. When you find yourself singing Russian rap in the shower, you know you're cool.

Or technology. Even if you've no idea what he's talking about when he tells you news of the latest gadgets, if you've got a toyboy in your life, you'll never have computer trouble again. Why just this week I accidentally hit some key that made all my toolbars disappear and no amount of effort on my part could bring them back. I mentioned this to the Toy when he picked me up for dinner and within moments I was back in business. And he didn't even have to reboot! (My standard solution to all computer issues).

A big pro is the lack of competition. Normally, if you are a successful, strong woman, the men in your life feel a bit emasculated and somewhat troubled by this fact. A younger man has no issues with this because he figures you've got some years on him and when he gets to be your age, he'll far surpass anything you've accomplished and kind of pities your paltry achievements in comparison.

Or hair. Young men have hair. And you can run your fingers through it and play with it all you want, because, in the morning, it will still be on their heads and not the pillow.

But the biggest advantage of all is stamina. We're talking one-minute recovery times here. Wanting another go one afternoon, all I had to do was say "Come on, you're only 28, show me what you got," and we were back in business.

As for emotional/intellectual fulfilment, younger men were raised differently from those in my peer group and they are a lot more open to what would be called their "feminine" sides. So, really, in a way it's a relief to date one. They actually want to talk. Even (Warning: any man over 35 should stop reading now or risk the danger of throwing up) about their vulnerabilities.

So, I don't think we should belittle these gentlemen by referring to them as "toyboys". I think it's time to coin a new expression: We should call them "joyboys".

So, ladies, go get yourselves some o'that.

As for you guys over 35 still reading, all I can suggest is you get a little blue pill and a hairpiece and hope it fools us. And clean up that vomit yourself. After all, a younger man would.

xxoo, DD

Deidre Dare's novel "Expat" can be read online at: www.deidredare.com